Decades of psychological research have given us a clear map of what narcissistic abuse looks like. It’s a pattern - not a personality quirk - and it follows a predictable cycle of control, confusion, and emotional erosion.
We tend to think of narcissistic abuse as something personal. And it often is.
But once you know the playbook, you start seeing the same dynamics play out at scale—in national leadership, in corporate cultures, and in executive teams where fear, silence, and loyalty are rewarded over truth, accountability, and clarity.
In this article, we’ll walk through a structured comparison of narcissistic abuse patterns in three domains:
- personal relationships,
- political leadership (with examples from the Trump era),
- corporate life.
You’ll see how the same tactics recur - just with different language, context, and consequences.
Notably, research indicates that narcissistic traits are disproportionately represented in corporate leadership. A study published by Harvard Law School's Forum on Corporate Governance found that approximately 18% of CEOs exhibit moderate to high levels of narcissism, compared to about 5% in the general population.
When it comes to psychopathy, the numbers are more contested. While some media reports have suggested that up to 12% of corporate leaders may display psychopathic tendencies, more rigorous research offers a more conservative estimate. Dr. Paul Babiak and Dr. Robert Hare, two of the most respected researchers in this field, estimate the prevalence of psychopathy among corporate executives to be around 3% to 4%—still significantly higher than the 1% estimated in the general population.
It’s important to note that both narcissism and psychopathy, especially in organizational contexts, exist on spectrums and often overlap. Psychopathy typically includes narcissistic traits—such as lack of empathy, grandiosity, and manipulativeness—but not everyone who exhibits these characteristics acts destructively. Some individuals with elevated traits may function effectively in high-pressure environments without overt harm. However, when these traits go unchecked—especially in leadership—they can quietly corrode trust, clarity, and culture from the inside out.
These statistics underscore the importance of recognizing and addressing narcissistic and psychopathic behaviors within organizational structures (and in our democracies).
1. Gaslighting: Confuse, Distract, Control
"The systematic effort to make someone doubt their own reality is the hallmark of emotional abuse." — Dr. Robin Stern, The Gaslight Effect
Personal: "That never happened." "You’re imagining things." The victim starts doubting their own memories and instincts.
Trump-era politics: Public denial of facts—even when recorded. Constant contradictions. The delegitimization of any independent source of truth (media, science, institutions). Result: a disoriented public, primed for manipulation.
Corporate: Metrics change. Promises are reinterpreted. Feedback is reframed as weakness. Employees are left second-guessing their own value, unsure whether the problem is the system—or them.
2. Idealisation → Devaluation: The Trauma Bonding Loop
"Narcissistic abuse oscillates between seduction and punishment, creating trauma bonds that keep victims hooked." — Shahida Arabi, Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse
Personal: Love-bombing gives way to criticism and cold withdrawal. The highs and lows create psychological dependency.
Trump-era politics: Praise turns to public humiliation without warning. Close allies (Bannon, Pence, Tillerson, Sessions, soon Musk?) are lifted, then discarded. It’s loyalty one day, betrayal/removal the next.
Corporate: Star performers are celebrated—until they challenge the narrative or highlight uncomfortable truths. Then they’re sidelined or pushed out. The culture rewards compliance, not contribution.
3. Flying Monkeys: Delegated Control and Proxy Abuse
"In narcissistic systems, enablers often act on behalf of the abuser to shame or silence others." — Dr. Karyl McBride, Will I Ever Be Free of You?
Personal: Friends or family are recruited to discredit, isolate, or moralize the victim. The narcissist avoids direct conflict by outsourcing the abuse.
Trump-era politics: Loyalists and media surrogates amplify the leader’s narrative, attacking dissenters and discrediting independent voices. Online mobs do the rest.
Corporate: Toxic inner circles enforce unspoken rules. Gossip becomes a governance tool. Speaking up leads to reputational risk—not resolution.
4. Blame-Shifting and Projection: Never at Fault
"The narcissist is incapable of owning failure—they project it outward." — Dr. Ramani Durvasula
Personal: The narcissist accuses others of the very behaviors they commit—cheating, lying, being manipulative.
Trump-era politics: Accusations of corruption, incompetence, or bias are projected onto anyone questioning the narrative.
Corporate: Mistakes are never owned. Strategy failures become execution failures. The team gets blamed for poor leadership decisions.
5. Addiction to Admiration: The Performance Trap
"A narcissist’s self-worth depends on constant validation and dominance." — Dr. Craig Malkin, Rethinking Narcissism
Personal: Everything is about them. Your needs are invisible. Your successes are threats.
Trump-era politics: Constant rallying. Obsessive image management. Policy becomes performance.
Corporate: Leaders dominate airspace, hoard credit, and suppress dissent. Attention and praise are the real currency. Results matter less than appearances.
Why This Matters in Leadership and Culture
Narcissistic abuse is not just a personal issue. It has far-reaching structural consequences—especially when it takes root in systems that lack safeguards for accountability, empathy, and psychological safety.
- In teams, it leads to dysfunction masked as high performance.
- In companies, it results in high turnover, burnout, reputational rot, and stalled innovation.
- In countries, it manifests in polarization, loss of trust in institutions, and even democratic erosion.
Whether you’re a leader, a coach, a survivor, or an observer—it’s crucial to:
- Learn the playbook: Understand how narcissistic systems function, so you're not caught off guard.
- Spot the early patterns: Gaslighting, triangulation, devaluation cycles, admiration addiction—they often start subtly.
- Create systems that reward truth, not loyalty: Build environments where honest feedback, accountability, and boundaries are not just tolerated but encouraged.
The Path to Recovery—Individually and Collectively
Healing from narcissistic abuse—whether personal or systemic—is a layered, often non-linear process. As outlined by researchers like Dr. Judith Herman, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, and therapist Susan Forward, recovery usually involves three major phases:
- Safety & Stabilization: Rebuilding a sense of psychological and emotional safety is the foundation. In organizations, this means trauma-informed leadership, clear norms, and non-retaliatory mechanisms for raising concerns.
- Reflection & Integration: Victims often grieve not only the abuse but the version of reality they thought they lived in. Naming what happened and contextualizing it is essential - through therapy, peer groups, journaling, or guided debriefs in corporate settings.
- Reconnection & Empowerment: Ultimately, recovery is about reclaiming one’s voice, autonomy, and power. Susan Forward emphasizes the importance of identifying and challenging the internalized critical voices that feed cycles of self-doubt—what she calls the 'toxic legacy.' This includes rewriting negative core beliefs and establishing firm emotional and psychological boundaries.
For teams and organizations, this might include leadership coaching, facilitated repair processes, or designing cultures that prioritize psychological safety and ethical alignment.
Importantly, the antidote to narcissistic systems is not more perfectionism, harder work, or silence.
It’s clarity! Boundaries. Community. And the courage to tell the truth and take corrective actions - even when it disrupts the status quo.
Because healing and recovering, personally or organizationally, doesn’t come from adapting to a toxic system. It starts when we name it, understand it, and create the safety and structure needed to step out of it—and lead differently.
Further Reading:
- The Gaslight Effect – Dr. Robin Stern
- Power: Surviving & Thriving After Narcissistic Abuse – Shahida Arabi
- Will I Ever Be Free of You? – Dr. Karyl McBride
- Rethinking Narcissism – Dr. Craig Malkin
- Don’t You Know Who I Am? – Dr. Ramani Durvasula (and her youtube channel)
- Trauma and Recovery – Dr. Judith Herman
- Pourquoi je suis restée - Anne Clotilde Ziégler
- All books by Susan Forward
- Sam Vaknin's youtube channel
👉 If this resonates, share it. These dynamics thrive in silence—and clarity is the first antidote.
🧐 If you're wondering whether you might be in a narcissistic dynamic, at home, at work, or in your leadership environment, you’re not alone. Here are a few resources you might find useful:
- Narcissistic Abuse Checklist – A basic starting point to help recognize patterns.
- Télé-Accueil Belgium (Free, 24/7 support): 107
- Domestic violence and abuse helpline (Belgium): 0800 30 030
🫶 I’ve worked extensively on this topic, both with individuals and teams. If you’d like a confidential conversation to explore what’s going on in your environment, I offer a free 30-minute intake call. Contact me here to schedule.
You're not imagining it.
And you're not alone.
#NarcissisticAbuse #FlyingMonkeys #Gaslighting #LeadershipDynamics #ToxicCulture #OrganizationalHealth #ThoughtLeadership #TeamLiteracy